In high school I surrounded myself with other people who I felt held the same values and moral standards as I did. It was easy enough to meet these sort of people, they conjugated every week at Younglife and Campaigners. Everyone was open about their faith and a conversation about God seemed natural. I loved my life and I felt like everything was in place, and it was easy to see that God had blessed me and my friends and that he was working in our lives everyday.
The story changes a bit when I started college, a transition that in theory seems easy, because I go to a Jesuit school after all, somehow was not. I lost the Christian community and fellowship that I was used to, and somehow began on a journey away from Christ. It wasn't one particular thing, or even a few things, but one day I woke up and realized how far away my relationship with Christ had become. It was as if the person that I was in high school didn't exist anymore. Was I afraid of outwardly showing my faith? Did I think that might make it harder to meet friends?
The fact is that for centuries, Christians have been unpopular. But now, it should be easier than ever for someone to proclaim their love for Christ, so why is it so difficult? No one wants to be known as the bible thumping Jesus freak, or the good girl who will look down upon a dirty joke or even cursing. This is my fear. I am afraid that my faith will come between me and my friends, with whom a conversation about Jesus would feel unnatural.
Somehow in the past few months I realized that hiding my heart is not that way that I want to live. My favorite part of the Bible is Matthew 5, the Beatitudes or the Sermon on the Mountain, whatever you want to call it. Every time I come back to this book I am reminded why I decided to lead a Christian life in the first place, and the words warm me inside. My favorite part says this "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven"(Matthew 5:14).
So, this is me saying that I am tired of hiding my light, and although it might take some time and a little bit of adjustment, I want to let my light shine as bright as it possibly can. I recently began going to Campus Crusade and joined a Bible study with some fantastic girls. Also I am involved with Companions, which is a student ministry program. During our first meeting, the leader asked for a word that we would describe the year as. Mine was "hopeful." I am so hopeful that I am able to let Christ back into my life and he will work and change my heart yet again. Yesterday I met up with a friend, a leader from Campus Crusade and she quoted C.S. Lewis saying that "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." This really struck me because I feel like I have been settling in more than one area of my life, and I don't need to. I believe I deserve someone who is outwardly crazy about me! God's plan for me is not to be easily pleased, as his daughter, he wants the best and brightest life for me.
I'll finish this very un-typical post by saying this: If not everyone can see the light that Christ puts in your life, we must love them anyways, and realize they can love us too. Leading a Christian life means to me, doing things that Jesus would have done and what he commands us to do, even though our lives are completely broken. Although his grace will save us, John says in a letter "It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in truth, just as the Father commanded us. And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one that we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love" (2 John 1:4). I am ready to put my best foot forward and begin to walk along Christ's path for my life.
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